My dearest Bonney,
This be yer most ardent admirer what asks ye to become his in marriage, if not in sacrament.
I have the most marvelous peg-leg, shiny, new, ornate and even tattooed in places. I dare not be mentionin' how high up they go for fear of offendin' yer vestal virginality. It'll be no problem at all fer ye to remove it and put it back on each day.
Ye know about me eye dont'cher? It does tend to run a bit from time ter time, but I be showin' ye how to treat that. As fer the parrot what ate it, he is still nailed to me wall accursin' and athreatenin' to this day, God bless the feisty buggar. Don't ye worry, ye be sleepin' through the night in no time at all.
As fer me hook, well, it can be replaced by many attachments that shameless Tinker has thought up. Still, I've made many a poxy doxy cry out wit' pleasure in the night.
Me teeth are mainly me own, though a few Frenchies and one Spaniard made donations. None stick out, when me lips be closed.
Ye may have heard the malicious gossip about me nose, and this I resent: these are the very same ones who malign me fer bein' a pirate. 'Tis Shockin'. I assure ye what remains of it is most comely.
Finally me dearest, and all in all, I've seen yer piktoor and what a delight you are. It's only from the waist up mind, but barring a nasty surprise down below that makes you no different from the marauders in me employ, then yer the lass fer me.
P.S.
One or two peg-legs are not a deal breaker, so don't concern yerself there.
Captain No Beard.
