How to Play MMOs at Work and Not Get Fired

11/13/2016
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MMOs are fun and work is boring; these are two of the fundamental rules of the universe. But do you know what’s even more fun? Playing MMOs while you’re supposed to be working. There’s something thrilling about completing quest after quest, conquering castle after castle, when what you actually should be doing is crunching numbers or filing reports.

The problem is, people other than yourself (namely your boss) might not appreciate your attempts to diversify your workflow by seamlessly integrating a globalized, cross-platform experience into your day-to-day operations. That’s playing MMOs during work hours in business-speak, by the way...

Here are 5 ways you can do just that without getting caught, or worse - getting fired.

Play on Mobile

By exclusively playing MMOs on a mobile device, you can be exactly that - mobile. Your boss can’t yell at you if they don’t know where you are, right? You can always attribute your frequent departures from your desk to long bathroom breaks brought on by a bad fish taco. Just be sure the Wi-Fi reaches the bathroom first...

Master the Art of Alt+tab

First, make sure you’re sitting with you back to a wall, so no one can sneak up on you from behind. From there you have two options: either you start practicing pressing alt+tab at lightning-quick speeds, or - if you like a challenge - you can set up an intricate network of cameras, tripwires, and motion sensors that will automatically fill your screen with spreadsheets.

Convince Your Boss to Play With You

If you can get your boss hooked on the same MMO you’re currently playing, not only will they turn a blind eye if they catch you playing it at work, they’ll probably head straight to their office and join you online. However, bear in mind that this strategy has its risks: you might end up encountering your boss during the weekend… and nobody wants that.

Develop an MMO for Excel

Nothing fun ever happens in Excel, and everybody knows it. You can use that to your advantage and develop your very own MMO that works using an Excel spreadsheet. Nobody will suspect you’re playing a game and having fun when there’s a boring spreadsheet on your desktop. However, if you do manage to develop a really good one, you will probably make so much money that you won’t have to work ever again.

Make Playing MMOs Your Job

The most reasonable option, and the only one on this list that might actually work, is to simply make playing MMOs your full-time job. You can become one of those nasty online hitmen that gets paid to stalk and kill someone’s character. “Professional video game assassin” would look really awesome on your résumé.